El General Jalabolas Lamebotas

National Guard Division General Luis Bohorquez Soto, commander of the GNB’s 4th Regional Command (CORE 4) headquartered in Barquisimeto, is groveling for a presidential promotion. Or, perhaps, he’s just trying to save his ass from retribution after being outed as a member of the PSUV, which is illegal.

Bohorquez Soto – known by some of his peers within the National Guard as “El General Jalabolas Lamebotas” – (which translates roughly as General Asskisser Bootlicker) apparently is pining (“se chorrea”) to become the next Commander of the Bolivarian National Guard or even Minister of Defense.

Today, Bohorquez Soto commanded an illegal raid against Cargill’s warehouse in Barquisimeto’s Industrial Zone II and stole 173,000 liters of Vatel vegetable oil.

The general’s sad sack troops were dishonorably supported by officials from the consumer protection (Indepabis) and national warehouse and silos superintendent’s office (Sada).

General Asskisser Bootlicker said that he ordered the “preventive retention” of the vegetable oil after unspecified “inconsistencies” were detected between the volume of vegetable oil that Cargill reported having in stock, and the actual number of one-liter bottles that apparently were counted by the Indepabis and Sada officials while the troops set up a protective perimeter to prevent the company’s employees and invading “yanquis” from fleeing into the wilderness with the booty.

The general claims that Cargill said that it had only 11,000 liters of vegetable oil in the warehouse, but his troops found 173,000 liters, based on which Cargill is presumptively guilty of the crime of hoarding, in his view. The invading troops also found 13 tons of Mi Mesa pasta, which also were retained preventively because their existence had not been reported to the authorities.

Yesterday, General Asskisser Bootlicker also commanded a raid against Polar’s warehouses in Lara, seizing 120 tons of precooked flour, margarine, rice, mayonnaise and vegetable oil. All of this food was confiscated and distributed this morning free of charge to state-owned food chains Pdval, Mercal and the Bicentenario Hypermarket (formerly called Exito).

Will Polar and Cargill be compensated? Not likely.

These raids were carried out illegally and unconstitutionally, without any judicial warrants and without any probable cause. General Asskisser Bootlicker says that he acted on his own authority under a new recently approved plan whereby the National Guard has gone to war against “speculators and hoarders.”

Now, it’s probably only a coincidence that the war against Lara’s private sector escalated immediately General Bohorquez Soto was identified publicly as a registered member of the president’s PSUV party. This information was first made public by Rocio San Miguel, who certainly knows more about the Venezuelan armed forces and the Constitution of Bolivarian Venezuela than General Asskisser Bootlicker knows.

It is explicitly illegal for any active duty military personnel to be registered members of any political parties or organizations with political agendas. General Asskisser Bootlicker is only one of between a dozen and two dozen active duty military personnel whose illegal membership in PSUV was discovered and confirmed (estimates vary depending on the source).

The PSUV immediately erased/deleted the names of these military personnel from its roster and declared that Ms. San Miguel is mistaken. But the lady is an attorney who definitely knows her business, and who has more courage in her pinky finger than the entire combined “generalato” of the Bolivarian Armed Forces. Caracas Gringo is told that Ms. San Miguel obtained smoking gun proof to support her charges that General Asskisser Bootlicker and his dishonorable colleagues in the PSUV are indeed lawbreakers.

Now the regime is actively looking for an excuse to lock Ms. San Miguel in a cell and lose the key. But we cannot rule out the very real threat that the regime may try to silence her forever, possibly during an armed robbery or carjacking. She already survived one assassination attempt.

Meanwhile, General Asskisser Bootlicker clearly is currying the president’s favor by displaying extreme revolutionary zeal and aggression against the capitalist oligarchs which, says Chavez, are responsible for wrecking a country that Chavez has ruled for over 11 years. The general denies that he is a PSUV member, but he declared publicly that he fully supports “the socialist process advanced by President Chavez.”

The president had best be careful, or else he might slip and fall because of sodden boots, or suffer an injury to the lower spine if he sits suddenly without first asking that the general remove his lips from the presidential “pompis.”

General Asskisser Bootlicker is, seemingly, unstoppable, the Bolivarian equivalent of Sherman’s scorched earth March through Georgia.

In the past three days, the general also confiscated the equipment of two FM stations whose broadcast licenses were suspended by Conatel. And he led another raid against the Matadero Industrial Centro-Occidente (Mico) in Barquisimeto after detecting “irregularities” in beef sales.

Will Chavez reward General Asskisser Bootlicker with a promotion, and perhaps even allow the general to lead the traditional Battle of Carabobo and/or 5 July parades? Stay tuned…


About Caracas Gringo

Representing less than 0.00000000001515152% of the world population as of 31 December 2011.
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2 Responses to El General Jalabolas Lamebotas

  1. Antonio says:

    Personally I believe that the latest events leave no doubt whatsoever that Venezuela´s regime has gone totally rogue and that also Chavez is no longer a “democratic” leader…………..I really do hope that the money laundering accusations are true and that the evidence is sustainable!!!!


  2. CuervoBlanco says:

    This is just what we need, Generals acting rogue on their behalf doing whatever floats their boat.

    Besides illegal, inconstitutional, nauseating and fully repulsable, this is dangerous.


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