Daffy Chavez eyes freefall without a parachute

“We know what we are doing,” President Hugo Chavez declared during a nationally televised broadcast on 2 March. “There is a government here…we learn from our problems.”

Chavez made these remarks during another longwinded gobbledygook explanation of why Venezuela’s power crisis is not his fault.

It’s impossible to determine if Chavez truly believes the bullshit spewing from his mouth, or if he has a load of loose screws bouncing and rattling inside his sphincterous skull.

Either way, Chavez reminds Caracas Gringo of Daffy Duck, one of the “screwball” characters featured since the 1930’s in the famous Loonie Tunes and Merrie Melodies animated cartoons.

Of course, Daffy is fictional entertainment one can laugh at, while Chavez is the political equivalent of the Black Death, someone who ruins and destroys everything he touches.

Chavez apparently still believes he is in control of Venezuela. And in some respects, Chavez is right. His corrupt regime controls the National assembly, Supreme Court, the Attorney General, the judiciary and the National Electoral Council which oversees/regulates all elections.

Chavez also thinks he controls the armed forces, and that Venezuela’s military establishment is 100% supportive of his obsessive drive to crown himself president-for-life of a Cuban-style communist regime in which the nation is his personal “hacienda” and the people of Venezuela are cattle to be used, abused and disposed of as he wills.

Chavez employs threats, intimidation, harassment, political persecution and a kangaroo judiciary to ensure his cattle are submissive and obedient. He has armed civilian irregular groups with thousands of FAL and AK-103/104 assault rifles, and regularly threatens to unleash massive bloodshed, death and civil war on Venezuela – particularly if he were to lose free and fair democratic elections.

To ensure his perpetual hold on all political and economic power, Chavez also has surrendered Venezuela’s sovereignty and its wealth to the criminal thugs of the Castro dictatorship in Cuba. Today between 50,000 and 60,000 Cubans reportedly are in Venezuela on various “missions” aimed at accelerating the coutnry’s transition towards what many analysts describe as “Cubazuela.”

Chavez also has transformed Venezuela into a geopolitical petri dish in which he is fusing international narco-terrorist organizations, transnational crime groups and the world’s most undemocratic, authoritarian and rogue regimes into a pestilent 21st century “mondongo.”

But a reckoning may be nigh for Chavez and his Bolivarian regime. Venezuela has accumulated too many structural, institutional, economic and societal fractures during his criminal reign, and these fractures appear to be coming together in 2010 with potentially devastating consequences for peace and stability.

It’s impossible to predict how and when President Chavez will reach the end of his journey. But the process has started. And several things could reasonably happen as the revolution breaks up:

One, the end of Chavez will not result from a democratic process, because Chavez has declared repeatedly that he will never recognize the results of any democratic elections in which he is declared the loser. Chavez has already called the tune, pledging death and mayhem on anyone who opposes his will.

Two, a majority of the “pueblo” will support Chavez’s removal from power. It’s impossible to sustain Bolivarian bread and circus without electricity, water, food, decent health care, rampant violent crime, and growing political persecution of all real and imagined “enemies” of the regime.

Three, Chavez, a proven cowardly bully at his core, will abandon his followers and flee at the first sign that his physical survival could be threatened, but…

Four, if Chavez breaks his own cowardly patterns and chooses to stay, it’s doubtful that he will survive the implosion of his revolution. There won’t be a trial in Venezuela or exile in Cuba for Chavez. He will face the same end as other tyrants or communists like Hitler, Mussolini, Ceausescu and Allende.

Five, some hardcore “chavistas” will make a last stand, but the majority – including many senior regime figures – will fade into the darkness as they did once before in April 2002. And many “chavistas” who try to slaughter their countrymen will face swift, summary street justice imposed by the “pueblo.”

Six, the armed forces will break up into pieces. Some will stay with Chavez, others will take flight or attempt to bottom-feed opportunistically on the remains of the Bolivarian regime. But a surprisingly large group will try their best to salvage Venezuela’s democratic institutions.

Seven, the establishment “oppo” – who collectively amount to a herd of wet cats stuffed into a sack – will take cover at the first hint of fireworks, but then will emerge from their holes in an effort to seize as much of the pie as they can possibly gorge upon while the turmoil and confusion persist.

Eight, the “international community” led by the United States will deplore, threaten, bluster and bemoan the “breakdown” of democracy in Venezuela. But if the Venezuelan nation has any common sense and “cojones” – and Caracas Gringo believes the “pueblo” has both in great quantities – the Venezuelan people will tell the rest of the world “que se vayan p’al carajo.”

Caracas Gringo dearly hopes this forecast is completely mistaken, but the crisis in Venezuela has reached a stage where the inevitable end most likely will be fiery, explosive and bloody.


About Caracas Gringo

Representing less than 0.00000000001515152% of the world population as of 31 December 2011.
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14 Responses to Daffy Chavez eyes freefall without a parachute

  1. Juancho says:

    Rou wrote: “And, for anyone who thinks that Venezuelans can never learn to work hard, well, hunger is a powerful human motivator.”

    I never wanted to insinuate that we don’t know how to work hard. My point is that Chavez has never held up hard, honest work as an ideal to strive after. And in appointing unqualified morons to crucial civic postions, he’s promoting a value system that says experience, know-how, education and direct, honest hard work are totally unecessary. That fact that this is just the opposite of what can EVER reap favorible results, we find ourselves in our current position. And as Roy said, whatever future petro dough we might have used to break a little new ground will now have to go back into decades worth of reparations and paying-down all of Hugo’s profligate excesses.



  2. Juancho says:

    Years ago, when Juan Pablo Perez Alfonzo referred to oil as the devil’s excrement, what he meant is that the “dinero gratis” that seemingly comes from “that thar” Black Gold bubbling from the ground, actually comes with a terrible price: self reliance and self sufficiency.

    We came to expect that oil would pay for the necessities of life, leaving us free to watch the Magallanes game, power down ten or fifteen Polars and a few perros, hump Juanita back at the crib, toss off one last little tragito and call it all good. Then do it all over the next day. This was the good life, verdad?

    And that’s for the very few of us fortunate enough to have a secondary education, some foreign travel and a few Bs in our bolsillos. For the rest of us, who have nada, nunca, zero (Q. last!), the oil money might as well be moon dust or plutonium for all the good it does.

    But what happens when we really and truly have to fend for ourselves?

    Loads – perhaps tens of millions – initially looked at Chavez as many had looked at crazy, circa 2,000 oil prices -as a panacea, a fix-all, a chance to rise above. Unfortunately, Chavez squandered a unique opportunity and with his windfall petro Bs, he took a populist tact, rife with paternalism, hand outs and a total disregard for the crucial social systems building and infrastructure development that could make progress sustainable and transform people’s lives. Chavez’ main crime is that he made some of the formally disenfranchised merely powerful by way of gratuitous positions and hand outs, instead of empowering them through education and welcoming them into a more developed and equitable social milieu.

    In the intel community they have a slogan: You cannot con an honest man. Why? Because honest people know you can NEVER get somethig for nothing. And every con is built on a certain faction of people who are suckers and believe this one time, I can get something for nothing or nearly nothing. But it’s aways a sucker’s hope, and the sucker always gets conned.

    Chavez’ entire Socialismo experiment is a swindle and a con because it’s built on the idea that people can get somethig for nothing. This harks back to Juan Pablo’s contention that oil is shit because it is not “free money” at all. Nothing is free. Name one thing in your life that is actually free except love and God’s grace – maybe.

    Chavez has always acted as though even the most important civic responsibilities could be met with no effort, no education, no experience, no acumen, that in fact, these positions could be had and sustained by nothig at all, that they were essentially could be had “free of charge.”

    For example, by putting a gaffo in charge of our financial institutions, who had NO experience in capitol markets, or placing some antique Cuban in charge of energy, some dottering rube who cannot so much as feed two “C” pilas into a transistor radio, El Presidente was putting “nothing” into the system while expecting to get something (a job well done) out of it – for free. Because the world does not work that way and never will, our power grid is in shambles, thermalelectric plans are melting down and the water is off.

    The Devil’s Excrement, the Con, believing we can get somethig for nothing – these are all faces of the same bullshitter, who insistes we really and truly can get something by magical means, as opposed to hard and honest work.

    But it’s just not so, and “here we is,” fumbling around in the goddam dark and blaming others, even our very own, for our problems. I’d like to move past disecting these problems and moving toward solutions. But that takes work . . .



    • Roy says:


      Well said indeed!

      I expect that Venezuelans are going to learn soon about hard work. When all the shooting and shouting is done, and Chavez has earned his just reward, Venezuela will be faced with the task of rebuilding its physical, institutional, and societal infrastructure.

      However, Venezuela won’t have the income from the “devil’s excrement” to pay for it. All of the oil income for years is going to have to be plowed back into rebuilding PDVSA, and I think we are going to discover that all of the “Deals” made by Chavez are going to obligate us to use Whatever income is produced to pay down debt for the next generation.

      And, for anyone who thinks that Venezuelans can never learn to work hard, well, hunger is a powerful human motivator.


  3. Juancho says:

    Neil brings up a point worth pondering: What IS the international community doing per the pending meltdown of the Bolivarian Experiment? What should they do?

    The US is hands off following decades of intrusive meddling. The rest of the world face their own problems and can’t be bothered – the plain but incontrovertible truth.

    We might well have to go this one alone, and sort things out ourselves. Yelling for others to start pitching in on our behalf is a kind of reverse Chavismo. Hugo blames all problems on outside sources (psychology calls this the “alcoholic model”), while we expect the international community to share the responsibility for home-grown problems.

    Any way we look at it, Chavez is principally a problem of our own making, and a solution will almost certainly haved to come from grass roots sources as well. The world is simply too rickety to fix us from afar, as also, as I read yesterday on a blackboard in Zulia: “El mundo es demasiado pobre para ayudarnos a resolver nuestros problemas.”

    It us now, folks.




    • Roy says:


      Assuming that that you are Venezuelan, it is good to hear that coming from one. From far too many Venezuelans, I get the feeling that they really expect the U.S. (or somebody) to save them from their own folly.

      When the majority of Venezuelans believe what you said, that will be the beginning of political maturity for Venezuela.


    • CuervoBlanco says:

      “MAnual del Tipico Idiota Latinoamericano” or the Typical latin american idiot manual should be printed massively. Blaming everything on “the north” is as well as much poor minded than always expecting help from abroad.

      In efect, JL hits the spot.


  4. Neil says:

    This essay amounts to a challenge to that same spineless, ineffectual and wholly self-interested “international community” to which you refer, to acknowledge the potential for an explosion of quasi-genocidal violence in this country and do something about it, emphatically, or face and share the responsibility for the possible disaster. Shifter, all you self-proclaimed Latin America experts, think tankers, consultants, etc., are you watching how things are developing here? What are you doing about it? (And please, spare us the homilies about more “dialog”)


  5. dotJorge says:

    I am not communist, leftist, or whatever, but putting Allende together with Hitler and Mussolini is a bit much, don’t you think?


  6. CuervoBlanco says:

    Small sets of poker cards with the faces of all of those that have to die shall be issued, army-style.

    Implosion is coming whether we want it or not and lets better not be unprepared.

    It worked for Honduras to send everyone al carajo.


  7. rosa carrillo says:

    Chavez is Latin America’s biggest smart ass


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